Mediocre

So, I just realized today, my life has no meaning.

How, oh how did I ever come up with this?

Whether I'm eating, shopping, walking, or even going to practice.. I don't get any enjoyment from any of that stuff. Why did I join Water Polo? "Because I like the sport and wanted to get better!" Is the answer most people would reply with.. For me, that's not the case. It's another one of my ploys to seem normal, to seem like I have something to do. When in reality.. I honestly could care less.

My life has no direction. I have no goals. You're probably tired of hearing this.. but I constantly feel this way.

I really like to sew and draw, but I know without a doubt in my mind, I am not good enough, to even think about looking for a career in those fields. I may be narrow-minded in saying this, but what other options do I have to choose from? I've lived such a sheltered life. My parents have always provided me the things I needed in the past, have always shoved deep into the crevices of my brain that the only way to become successful in life is to become a doctor.

I just don't feel like waking up everyday to go to the hospital/clinic for the next fifty years is something I want to do. I don't hate it.. but I don't like it enough to make a career out of it.

Why does this have to be so hard? I don't want to apply to college, get student loans, graduate, and end up having to live back with my parents again while working at odd jobs to pay off those stupid student loans.. It's not something I want to do, but at this point in time, I see no future..

I wish I was good at something besides math, even then, I'm not even that good. I'm mediocre. Yes, that describes me perfectly..