Allergies and Dreams

For the past week, I've been skipping Swim Practice. It's not because I don't want to swim, don't get me wrong, I love swimming! But, I've been skipping because I wanted to get this job that my mom no longer wants me to go for. Oh well. I'll do it when I'm not living under my parents roof. Haha, what a rebellious child I am..

I made me mom angry last week. I forgot what I did. But, she's not letting go out anymore, and so I can't go anywhere. I was thinking of walking to the fabric store today, I had something in mind that I wanted to make. It's not cosplay, surprisingly. I hope I can sneak out for about thirty minutes to go grab some fabric..

Yesterday, after I came home from school, my brother and sister called me down to help dry our rabbit Roy. I've been wary of Roy before, because I'm allergic to him. My eyes get really itchy and I start sneezing, etc. But I didn't pay heed to that. I sat down and fluffed his wet fur while my brother aimed the hairdryer at him, drying him up after his bath. After an hour of my sister and I trading off, I started sneezing. Uh oh. So what did I do? Obviously, I told my sister I had to go, and went upstairs to watch some of my drama.

I fell asleep, and after that, my mom woke me up around seven o'clock. Apparently, it was my Dad's birthday today, and everyone (my brother, sister, mom, and I) had to go downstairs to eat and sing happy birthday.. and get fat off birthday cake. Did I mention before I fell asleep, my eyes were really itchy, so I rubbed them a couple times? BIG mistake. I went downstairs feeling like crap and my mom comments on how swollen my eyes look. I grab my bowl of noodles and sit down in the living room and my sister says.. "Ewww" At this point, I'm like.. wtf, and my dad comes downstairs and we sing happy birthday, etc.

After all that was done, I went back upstairs to see.. Efff, my eyes were really swollen, and I looked like a freaking alien.. I never wanna play with Roy again, but he's so cute.. I have no idea what I'm going to do..

So, after all that, I went to bed for the night. I just woke up. I had a dream about receiving an e-mail from my host family on what school I was going to, who was in my host family, etc. This is driving me insane. I don't want to wait anymore, but I have to because all the applications are probably still being processed. Every time I think about it, I get scared. I start doubting whether I'm good or not to get in, and I worry. I really don't want a letter telling me I didn't get the scholarship. It would be so great if I could get the full scholarship, but there are probably tons of people who applied who are way, way better than I am. God, I hate thinking about whether I got the scholarship or whether I'm going to Japan or not. I guess I only have about two months left to go.. Halfway there.. It's been so long since January, I guess March and April will take even longer to be done with.

Anna -1 calculator.

I was putting my stuff away for school today. I was looking through the bag I carried with me to the SATs to grab my pencil case and calculator. I just found out I left my calculator at the classroom I was taking it in. Fuck.

Encore!

Oh goodness, it was such a fun week this week! Kind of.

Well, Friday was really fun. After school, Julie and I went back to my house and we went to Vinci Park, looking for a four-leafed clover on the way. (We actually never did find it..) While we were at Vinci Park, I was on the swings and we also saw a class out, but we weren't sure if it was a class or not. It was around 3:30, and I was thinking that classes never extend until the afternoon.. especially not elementary classes! The little kids were adorable, and as they were playing, we noticed that the girls were playing on one side and the boys were on the jungle gym, and we laughed, trying to remember if that was what we did when we were in elementary school.

Julie got a text from Joanna saying the he was at Subways, so we decided to head on over there, dropping by my house first, to pick up her stuff. After we were really close to Subways-we were on Berryessa- Joanna calls. Turns out, he ran home to pee. That loser. Yeah, so we stopped by Starbucks and got some drinks and started walking down towards Lundy. When we got to his house, his mom was in the front yard watering plants. After that, we walked towards Townsend park to play with this misty thingy. It was really fun. But! On the way to Townsend, we had to cross the street, and during that crossing, Joanna stopped right in the middle of the street and danced! It was hilarious! As we walked towards townsend park after that, a car drove by us with a whole bunch of guys clapping. I swear. THAT was the highlight of my day!

Joanna was so embarrassed after that.. it was really funny. When we got to the park, me and Julie sat on the tire swing and Joanna spun us around. HOLY CRAP. THAT THING GOES FAST. He wasn't helping any because he kept pushing the tire. I swear, me and Julie almost fell off! It was terribly scary! We started walking home at around 5:30 and Joanna walked me and Julie all the way back to my house, near Flickinger. Then after he dropped us off, Julie's dad had to pick her up, so she left and I was left.. all alone. -tear-

I finished my beret that night! BUT, I feel so stupid because I stayed up until 12 midnight.. and I had the SATs the morning after! Oh dear.

Saturday morning, my alarm woke me up at 6, I turned it off, went back to sleep! My mum came up to wake me up around 6:30.. and I think I fell asleep after. Around 7, I heard my mom ask if I was ready or not.. I rushed out of bed to brush my teeth, brush my hair.. yeah. I left the house around 7:30 to take the SATs at Andrew Hill. I met Phuong at the school! Turns out, she was taking the SAT test at Andrew Hill too! She ended up in the classroom next to mines, and we would talk during our breaks.

After the long test (I mean.. LONG. It started at 8 and ended ten minutes before 1) My mom drove me to In-N-Out and I ate a double-double with fries and Root Beer. Mmm..

Then proceeded to watch Mei-chan no Shitsuji, Glass Mask, and Hana Yori Dango Korea. Yeah. Dramas are the reason why I have no life.. I also finished a red beret! I learned to crochet Thursday night. I finished it and then went to bed around 2 AM in the morning. I think my alarm went off at 6 and my dad came up to my room, unplugged it and threw it at me, onto my bed.. I was half-asleep and he was yelling at me about my alarm.. Fail.

Yeah, so now it's Sunday, Jenny just dropped my wig off, and I still have a ton of homework to do, I have no idea what time it is because my clock's still on my bed.. and I better get started on what I'm supposed to be doing, lest I start to fail my classes, and never be able to go to Japan on a scholarship. I'm still waiting for YFU's letter, which won't come until late April. The anticipation is killing me. And I just lost the game.

Emotional Rant

This entry is SRSBZNS. For realz. Lots of depressing undertones. If you don't want to get depressed.. well, don't read it.

It's.. been a while hasn't it? One month to be exact. So much has happened in the span of one month. I can't even begin to describe all the things that have gone on, drama and that such. I'm still waiting for that letter from YFU. About three weeks ago, I was called out to do an interview with a volunteer with YFU and we met up at Starbucks to have the interview. Nothing much too exciting happened, it was just her firing questions and me answering them and trying to go in depth. I was supposed to go watch Coraline with my friends that day around four (my interview was at seven). I didn't go. They did. It kind of hurt, but this past month has been so.. crazy. I've kind of learned to let go. It hurts to think about painful things, but if I block it out.. it can't hurt me. I'm glad I'm thick-skinned, but I know of at least one person that can get under that thick skin and hurt me beyond recognition. It'd break me.

Said person seems to keep so many thing away from me now. I know that person doesn't mean to, but to seclude me, to brush off the topic like it's no big deal.. It's like rubbing salt into my freshly cut wounds. I haven't had time to heal them yet, and everything seems to be spiraling out of control. Not enough time, not enough time. I keep thinking that if only I had time, if only I was braver I could get past this. We have already reconciled and I must admit, it made our bond so much stronger, but now it seems that something bigger, something more ominous is coming, and it's like acid that can melt even the most sturdiest of metals..

By this time, it might be obvious as to who I am talking about, but if not, then that's okay too. I'm just really tired right now. I'm so sick. I'm sick because of stress, because of lack of sleep. I'm also hurt that I see said person not listening to my advice. I honestly care for that person's health, but to disregard it, to push their body to the limit.. Doesn't that person know I am nothing without them? The only reason I'm here, able to type this message is because that person is here, sharing the same sky.

It may sound kind of creepy to know how much I depend on this person, and I know it's a huge burden that I am putting on one individual, but.. I just can't let anyone else see me for who I am. It's too painful to bare my heart for anyone else to see except that person, and when they dismiss me with a brush of the hand or a change of topics, my heart aches. It hurts so bad, I know it's all in my head, but it feels like my heart is being pulled in hundreds of different directions, and it just strains my chest.

I'm kind of upset right now, can't you tell? Must be the cold working it's way into my body.. That, and I also started a manga in where this couple falls in love, and all these complications arise. I'm at the point where the girl slit her wrists because of many things that have gone on, things that make it so that she just can't see any reason in living. I know it's not good to drown myself on sorrow, and I know that this is stupid to be wallowing over a fictional character's problems, but thinking back on a particular person and all the things that have gone on just this month have made me a bit insane.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't cry. Don't hate me. Please, don't throw me out like Yesterday's news. To be completely honest, I have nothing without you, and I come baring my heart to you, for you to see, for you to see how I've been this past month. All these awkward moments, I don't want this anymore. I wish life were simpler. I wish it weren't so rainy. I wish it was just me and you in the sandbox, piling sand into a castle fit for princesses and princes. I wish it were just that simple.. I feel like crying for thinking of all this depressing stuff..

Chalk it up to the medicine for making me think such strange thoughts--I'm sorry.

J and S

Yes, yes, it's another blog from me. Wow, two in one week, aren't you guys lucky? Enough of that, I was going to post this yesterday, but SAT classes went until 9:00 P.M. and by the time I got home, finished my homework, and ate, I was dead tired, and it was 12:30 A.M. I hate losing my sleep time for anything so you can imagine how irritated I was this morning.

So, yesterday I was at NHS to see what our year community service activity would be, and after the meeting was over, Julie and I talked.. about stuff. So, y'all remember the guy I liked? I don't think I ever mentioned a name.. We'll call him Joanna. Well, recently, I haven't been talking to Joanna, but I still kind of like him--I think. I dunno, I guess I've been influenced by all my other terrible relationships, I just don't care about it anymore. So yeah, I dunno if I like Joanna or not. BUT Julie does. And I absolutely think it's terrific. Honestly.

You see, Susie--remember him?--doesn't really notice Julie.. either that, or he knows she likes him and doesn't want to face that fact. Yeah, so I think it's great that Julie's finally found someone that she can actually talk to. I think Joanna's a really cool person. He's actually really outgoing and fun to be around, but at the same time, he's really considerate and takes into account someone's feelings during a conversation. He's not overbearing at all, and I can totally see why Julie is starting to like him. It's great that she's finally moved on from Susie, I hope. She's such a sweet girl, and I can't imagine someone being so blatantly unaware of her feelings..

Basically, that was all I was going to share, but today, my psychology class discussed a very interesting topic. The topic we talked about was Emotions. Basically, how we express it, why we express it, and what happens when it is being expressed. All really interesting stuff. Our teacher, Mr. Sprague, started going off on a tangent about a new show on Fox, Lie to Me, and it seems pretty interesting. I'm going to have to check it out sometime.

Do YOU know when someone's lying to you? Also, are you in control of your emotions? Are your emotions controlling your decisions? Ah, very tough questions. Take a minute or two to ponder it, seriously. Behind every reason, there is at least one emotion that had made that reasoning possible. Why? Because it's just they way things are. Emotion and reason are so inextricable that even if someone were to tear the two apart, the halves would lose meaning all in itself. It's quite an interesting concept and leads to much, much more questions.

Also, lightly touching on MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) since we are on the topic of Psychology anyways. What's it like.. to be housing multiple personalities? I think only the person who actually has multiple personalities can answer, but it's very intriguing. Because the core personality feels like there is too much danger or too much stress, another personality will pull the core personality under and "take over" the body. Usually, a person does not know they have MPD unless they are diagnosed by a psychologist, and even then they could be accused of lying. There is so much more to MPD than this, and I might go over it in another blog for another day. I must get back to my homework for tonight.

Alright, since that is all of what I have to say for today, I'm done. Maybe next time, I'll actually include something interesting to you guys, and not just me.

Priorities, straight?

It's been a while since I've written. Kind of. So, last time, I wrote about Finals and so just a quick update on that, I have all A's except for my 2 AP classes, which include my Calculus AB class and English 3AP class--I have a B+ in those classes. Anyways, recently, in English we've been talking about the American Dream and.. when you actually define it.. it.. it's pretty complicated, and our class barely scratches the surface on some of the questions he's made us answer. We have to do a project on this.. Oh dear..

Oh! I managed to finish The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn! Two nights before it was due, I started on my Dialecticals, and boy am I SO glad I did. I never would've been able to finish if I didn't do that.. I also started to work on my Study Guide that night, and in the end, I finished it. I pulled an all-nighter, but it was alright because it was a Friday, and that made me pretty happy. I'm so glad I actually finished this reading assignment; unlike The Scarlet Letter which I totally left half-assed. Not like I didn't half-ass Huck Finn either.. but.. yeah.

For anime, I've started watching Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn. It's super good, and I might actually start reading the manga after I finish watching the anime! Haha, that just tells you how good it is. ;3 I've also started playing Dream of Mirror Online--DoMO for short--and it's a really fun game. For now, I'm only interested in getting money, so I haven't been training... -coughcough- I'm pretty sure I won't get to because I've started my SAT classes now. It's terrible.

Last Saturday (January 31st) I woke up at 8:00 A.M. to get ready for my SAT class. It was the first meeting, so we were going to take a Diagnostic Exam. Oh dear, that test took four hours.. and the person who was watching us take the test only gave us a maximum of five minutes for break.. I really hope the SAT isn't like that.. I'd starve! After the exam, I went to Wendy's to grab a bite, and there my mom picked me up.

After that, I went home and relaxed a bit, played a bit of Animal Crossing on my DS and then around 5:30 P.M. I started getting ready for my concert. The concert was pretty fun, Symph. Orchestra made a HUGE mistake though... for a second there, I thought we wouldn't pull it together.. Yeah.. after that, I met up with my friends Robert, Lancing, and Lancing's boyfriend, Andrew. Lancing couldn't come with me and Robert to McDonalds.. I was so sad. I even offered to pay for her and her boyfriend too.. It was nice seeing her again though because we go to different high schools. So, Robert and I went to McDonalds after the concert to grab something to eat, and drink some nice Sweet Iced Tea.. And then he drove me home!

That's about it for my weekend.. It was pretty busy, but in the end, I got through it okay, and I even got to spend some more time with old friends, which makes me extremely happy.

Tomorrow will be my real SAT class, like.. not the test or anything... and I get to go to it straight from swim practice.. and stay there till 9:00 P.M. Joy. It's crazy, I don't think I'll be able to survive that many activities all bunched together.. I'll literally be out of the house for the whole day. If I remember correctly, my mother told me she'd be bringing food for me between the end of my swim practice and the beginning of my SAT class...

Oh yes, I remember telling myself to include a quote in this. It was something I wrote in English class that I really wanted to share because.. I really liked it; at that time anyways.. Ah yes, I found it, here it is: "They regulate our education, but to keep us 'safe' on campus, we are required to wear uniforms. They regulate our self identity and bury it beneath the colors of red, white, and blue--freedom; they do not allow our creativity to take hold. Where is our individuality?" Basically, what we had to do was have two sentences with repetition and a rhetorical question at the end of it. And obviously, the subject was school uniforms.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I had something else to add, but I guess not. I think when I do I'll blog again, but yeah.. Maybe I'll remember soon.. lest I forget and maybe be distracted from doing my homework. Oh. I remember, and I'm adding it as the second paragraph! Alright, that IS everything now, I hope. Until next time~ Maybe I'll post one up for V-day.. or Single Awareness Day.. Goodness, this is the only day of the year that makes me wish I had a lovey-dovey relationship with someone.. or something like that.

Finally

So, Finals are over. At last. Turns out, I have a B+ in English 3AP and a B+ in Calculus, both of which I am borderline for that B+, so I'm glad that I don't have a B. :<>), and for French 2, I have no clue. I swear, that man needs to get organized before I go crazy and nunchuck him or something. D: I'm feeling extremely bitter because he based my 2nd grading period grade on one test. ONE DAMN TEST. I did all my damn homework, all the classwork, did all the orals.. God. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter. .-. Anyways. I guess we'll just have to see what my grade is for his class when we get our finals graded.

I'm glad finals is over.. but now I must catch up with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I hate procrastinating. Have I told you this before? Yeah. The monster of procrastination turned around and bit me in the butt. Again. But I guess that's my fault, yadda, yadda. The least our teacher could do is quickly scan through our work the beginning of every period so that we're actually on track.. he just tells us and collects it at the END. Which you know everybody's scrambling to complete. So I have about.. ~25 chapters to do Dialectical Journals for.. minus 3 of those chapters, for 5 explications.. I also must do the study guide.. which requires some essays to write.. goddammit. I think I just dug myself into another deep ass hole that I cannot get out of for the second semester. Damn.

Well. I guess we won't know until Friday.. I'm going to die.. I know I will.. .-.

In history, we're actually learning about something interesting. The Jazz Age, the 1920s. It's a really favorite time period of mines, when Jazz became popular, Blues.., and the young generation started to speak in slang. We had to do a skit using Jazz Age Vocabulary. It. Was. Hilarious. I tried not to laugh, but the dialogues were so ridiculously funny, there was no way I wasn't going to laugh!

Oh, I bought a pair of earrings on Saturday. I lost an earring yesterday. Now I only have one. I have problems with keeping my earrings on my ears.. I keep losing half a pair and it's ridiculous.. Argh.

For cosplay, I finished the main part of Hino Kahoko's uniform, now all I need to do is start on the sleeves, cuffs, and collar! I also seam-ripped the pleats on the skirt because.. it wasn't sitting very well with me... Yeah.. It was.. hard. I had to seam-rip it, then iron the pleats out, then re-iron in the new pleats.. and.. yeah. Took a long time. Anyways, I hope I finish by the end of February.. I really want to start on Kiki for my Kiki's Delivery Service cosplay. I just love Studio Ghilbi films! My favorite would have to be Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away.

I LOVE Spirited Away, the ending just about made me cry.. I wanted Haku to go with Chihiro..!

I'm practicing intensely for my concert which is coming up on the 31st. I honestly don't know why I bother, but for some reason, I've just started to become more motivated to become a better violinist. It may be that I've seen some very ordinary people and they've done some very extraordinary things on their violins.. it makes me really want to achieve that level of technicality and musicality..

Alright, well, enough of my chit-chat. You must be wanting to get back on with your life and not listen to me rant about finals, and homework, and stuff, so I'll break it off here for today. Until next time!