The Wait is ON

School started like any other day. Cold. I was barely awake when I made it out to the car, but that's okay, by the time I saw the school gates, I was my normal, cheery self.

I stayed at the library after school until my mom came to pick me up. We drove to the post office to drop off my scholarship application. The lady who was at the window.. Well, it was quite hard to understand her. It sounded like she was speaking Chinese, but clearly it was English, because in her jumbled speech, I heard "paper." It took a while to understand what she said, but soon, I had bought a tracking number and I had written in the address for the parcel. I check it every hour.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm getting antsy. I mean, sure, the application has been sent in. But that's the thing! It's sent.. all the time and effort I spent on it.. It's no longer in my hands. No longer something I can modify to my heart's pleasures. My thoughts keep straying to being in Japan, living with a host family, what they would be like.. BUT. I haven't even gotten a letter saying I've won a scholarship! I can't imagine what it would be like to receive a rejection letter.. I'd definitely be crushed. Ah. I caught myself thinking about Japan again. How will I survive until April? That's 4 months! 16 weeks! Approximately 112 days! The math could go on and on.. but it doesn't change the fact that it's going to be a long time until I receive the news, be it good or bad. It's worse than waiting for summer vacation to start!

Sending in my application has taught me quite an important life lesson though. All this anxiety and stress I'm feeling.. there must be a reason for it. Well, of course there's a reason. I'm very indecisive in nature, often changing my mind as many as ten times in a time span of five minutes. I'm fickle. I'm not exactly proud of that, but it's the truth. Sending in the application means that I can no longer touch it. I was the one who slid the papers into the package, I was the one who sealed said package, and I also was the one who paid the post office worker for everything. Now that it's gone.. it feels so permanent.. I can no longer go back and change my short answer essays.. no longer check the order of my preferred scholarships, I can no longer edit my activities list or my host family letter! This is what's making me so antsy.. so fidgety all evening, and I haven't even started on homework.

This could be applied to life I guess. I'll make sure to make every moment count, as cliche as it sounds. You never know when something you do may end up permanent. No longer there for you to change. It's hard not being in control of something so small but something so significant, it could easily change my life as I know it. And with that said, I must go shower and start my homework before my studies start falling.

I hope I get more insights like these. At least for the time being, blogs will be my little escape from the stressful life of school, music, sports, and the anxious wait for my YFU letter. Oh gee. I hope they send it soon..