Gotcha

Today was.. fantastic, superb... I honestly can't find a better word to describe getting out of school early! It started out as a small blackout during Break. At that time, I was in my Chemistry class, just doing some homework to catch up. My Zune was blasting Hana=Kimi while other students in Ms. Shea's class chattered away.

Then, there was darkness.

I swallowed a scream because, obviously, that would alert people to my achluophobia. In about.. I'd say twenty seconds(?) the lights flickered back on for a minute or two and everything was back to normal. Or so it seemed. The lights completely went off again, and this time, I had to get out of the room. I fumbled around and found myself outside, propping the door open so light would shine into the classroom. This took me about a whole minute. A whole damn minute fumbling around in the dark to find the damn door. It was amazing I was still composed after that. Seriously. The bell rang and Chemistry began to fill up. Ms. Shea grabbed some candles and lit them up around the room. Class started, on schedule, and we did worksheets all period. By the end of the period, the P.A. System went off and the lady said that we'd be out around 12, that meant a 30 minute wait.

Obviously other students just upped and left their classes, but our class just hung around, talking, texting, listening to music, etc.

At 12, the whole school was released and I received my Gotcha! target from Kevin. Basically, what we do in Gotcha! is try to shoot our assigned target while avoiding our own hunter. Once our target is eliminated, we start tracking their target. Last man standing wins. Simple game, exciting twist. There is probably about 30-40 or more students involved in this game, all attend Independence. I probably don't know half the kids playing.

I can't wait to shoot my target. I already know who he is, where he hangs out, etc.

Anyways, after I got my target, I walked to the front of the school where my mother came to pick me up. I went home and proceeded to take a nap until my mom woke me up around 3:10. I had to go to an eye examination. That was no fun. It lasted for two hours. Two hours. I could have been doing English flashcards.. I'd rather do English flashcards, and that says a lot.

I came home and have proceeded to waste four hours doing nothing. I should have started on those flashcards. I'm going to fail my English final tomorrow. Oh god. My History final too. Damn. Alright, well, I should honestly get started before I start digging my own grave. Just think, somewhere on this massive Earth, another Junior has just been utterly pwned by their finals.

The Long Haul

Ah.. that word. That one word that can send just about anyone to tears. That wonderful word that gives students the goosebumps. Well, it's finals week, and as you can tell by how negatively I view the word finals that it's not a wonderful week for me. Finals technically start Wednesday, but I've already started part one of three for my Calculus AB class.. I've got so many classes to study for.. so many of my class grades depend on how well I do on the finals for each class..

I really should be doing English 3AP homework right now, but, being the lazy bum that I am, I'm blogging. That's right. Blogging. Wasting my precious night writing to some strangers that might stumble upon my secret thoughts.. You stalkers. ANYWAYS. Do you guys even realize that sometimes when I type, I go off on tangents? It's like, I might start off talking about finals (-coughcough-), then I'll start talking about blogging, and after I'll go back to talking about finals again.. Like what I'm about to do now. :>

Yeah. Well, finals. The final I'm worried about the most would be my Calculus final, followed by my English 3AP final, then my French final, then my History final, then my Psychology final. Lets see.. did I get all of my classes? Oh. I'm missing one. Chemistry final. I think I would stick that somewhere between French and Psychology.. Well, actually, Chemistry would not be something to stress over, it's the only class I have an A+ in, so I think I can fudge up a little bit and make it out unscathed.. HOWEVER, all my other classes.. oh god. I can't wait for it to be the weekends.. Sure, I'll cry for three hours.. or ten maybe, but then I'll realize finals is over, and I get a clean slate. Or so they say.

Well, my application is now in Maryland. I have no clue where, but I thought I might just throw that in there. Yeah, I'm really excited for my YFU letter to come, if you haven't figured it out by my last.. two or three posts already. It's something that makes me anxious, happy, and sad at the same time! Just the word Japan makes me think of the faraway land of the rising sun. :> Yeah.. April seems so far away.

I just found out today that my mother is laid off. No wonder she was so nice to me when she woke me up on Sunday morning. "Hey Anna, wake up, it's your turn to do laundry. Do you want me to cut your nails for you? How about I clean off that nail polish and repaint it?" And there I was, sitting up in my room, hazy thoughts going through my head thinking Well, she woke up on the right side of the bed this morning, for once. Yeah. Now, I have to figure out something for my insurance part of my application.. I need to send them some kind of updated info because my mom had the employee insurance thing, and now that she no longer works there, we have to buy insurance from my dad's company. It's just a whole big mess.

Oh dear.. I really should go back to doing my English homework.. Speaking of homework, I have to do Socratic Seminar questions for English, a mini-review for French, review questions for History, and I have to study for Calculus.. all within.. two and a half hours. Yeah. I should stop now.. but this is so addicting. :< style="font-weight: bold;">easy to get sidetracked..

Anyways, I'll stop writing now. Once finals is over, expect to hear from a very teary-eyed me, who has just failed all of her classes. Yeah. I'm screwed.

Fickle Feelings

So, school ended early today, and I could not have been happier! Although, ever since I've gotten home, all I can think of is my YFU application and where it is.. The page won't load.. D: I'm paranoid now.. .-. I'll be back to check it...

Anyways. I went home early today, around one o'clock! My friend Julie came with me so we hung out together. She helped me get started on the shirt of my La Corda D'Oro cosplay. I must admit, without her, I'm completely lost.. :< Sheesh, my best friend is someone I must rely on, always, and it's completely true that I don't know where I'd be without her. .-.

The whole afternoon was spent measuring, drawing, measuring, pinning, drawing, measuring, oh, and did I mention measuring? .-. BUT, even though it was tedious and tiring, Julie was there the entire time, motivating me to work! I actually got a lot of work done, and even managed to finish my skirt for the cosplay. The only thing I need to work on is the shirt, but it's a lot more complicated than it sounds.. Yeah..

My friend Julie seems to have some relationship issues.. This guy she liked a year ago finally decides that he really likes her, but by this time, she's totally crushing on this other guy, who like.. doesn't even notice her.. It makes me kind of mad, I just want him to face her properly, to acknowledge her feelings.. Yeah, and it's this total love triangle thing, but it's not cliche enough to make it into a drama.. Or maybe it is. :> Yeah. I hope Susie makes up his mind soon and notices Julie's feelings.. Or I'll slap him silly.

In other news, I'm going to get a Zune! All in the hopes of getting closer to this guy I like.. We'll call him Joanne for the sake of code names. :D Anyways, yeah, he's really nice and stuff, but I don't know if he even likes me or not because he's a real friendly guy and could be treating me the same as everybody else.. I do have a few things in common though, and it's made me extremely happy that, on some level, we connect. I'm excited for my Zune.. if I do get it.. maybe. Ryan still needs to call me back to tell me if his brother can buy it or not, and so that I can pay him back. :> Yeah..

Well, I've been checking usps.com and for some reason, it won't let me load the page with me tracking number on it! I'm extremely upset and paranoid and every other word you can think of for anxious and fidgety, etc. Yeah.

Today was a productive day. Yes, yes it was.. If only I could be as productive as that for my English assignments..

The Wait is ON

School started like any other day. Cold. I was barely awake when I made it out to the car, but that's okay, by the time I saw the school gates, I was my normal, cheery self.

I stayed at the library after school until my mom came to pick me up. We drove to the post office to drop off my scholarship application. The lady who was at the window.. Well, it was quite hard to understand her. It sounded like she was speaking Chinese, but clearly it was English, because in her jumbled speech, I heard "paper." It took a while to understand what she said, but soon, I had bought a tracking number and I had written in the address for the parcel. I check it every hour.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm getting antsy. I mean, sure, the application has been sent in. But that's the thing! It's sent.. all the time and effort I spent on it.. It's no longer in my hands. No longer something I can modify to my heart's pleasures. My thoughts keep straying to being in Japan, living with a host family, what they would be like.. BUT. I haven't even gotten a letter saying I've won a scholarship! I can't imagine what it would be like to receive a rejection letter.. I'd definitely be crushed. Ah. I caught myself thinking about Japan again. How will I survive until April? That's 4 months! 16 weeks! Approximately 112 days! The math could go on and on.. but it doesn't change the fact that it's going to be a long time until I receive the news, be it good or bad. It's worse than waiting for summer vacation to start!

Sending in my application has taught me quite an important life lesson though. All this anxiety and stress I'm feeling.. there must be a reason for it. Well, of course there's a reason. I'm very indecisive in nature, often changing my mind as many as ten times in a time span of five minutes. I'm fickle. I'm not exactly proud of that, but it's the truth. Sending in the application means that I can no longer touch it. I was the one who slid the papers into the package, I was the one who sealed said package, and I also was the one who paid the post office worker for everything. Now that it's gone.. it feels so permanent.. I can no longer go back and change my short answer essays.. no longer check the order of my preferred scholarships, I can no longer edit my activities list or my host family letter! This is what's making me so antsy.. so fidgety all evening, and I haven't even started on homework.

This could be applied to life I guess. I'll make sure to make every moment count, as cliche as it sounds. You never know when something you do may end up permanent. No longer there for you to change. It's hard not being in control of something so small but something so significant, it could easily change my life as I know it. And with that said, I must go shower and start my homework before my studies start falling.

I hope I get more insights like these. At least for the time being, blogs will be my little escape from the stressful life of school, music, sports, and the anxious wait for my YFU letter. Oh gee. I hope they send it soon..

New Year/Winter Break

Wow. I did not realize I haven't been blogging since November.. :< That's quite a long time.

Well, school's starting tomorrow. Ew. I've spent my entire Winter Break relaxing, playing games, visiting family.. I have yet to catch up with my school work, but I'm blogging here to pass the time. Hmm.. I finally managed to complete my Scholarship Application for YFU, or well, almost complete. The only thing I need is 8 2x2 prints of my picture, and I"ll be doing that tomorrow at Costco. And then on Tuesday, January 6, I'll be sending it in! It's the last day to send in applications and I'm totally cutting it close..

Yeah, every time I think about myself in Japan.. I get so excited! I mean.. I know I haven't even gotten an acceptance letter, but it's so hard to keep myself from fantasizing. Studying abroad in Japan is something I've always dreamed of, if I do get this chance, it'll be spectacular! I don't know about my essays though.. it's quite hard to write these essays because I want to make it sound good, but I also want to make it professional at the same time.. It's really hard, but I tried taking a first person p.o.v. Anyways, I'm pretty sure you're getting sick and tired of me rant about YFU and applications and such.

Ah yes. Winter Break. On Christmas, my mom, dad, brother, sister, and I packed the car around eight 'o clock, and around nine, my uncle arrived at our house. From there, we drove for seven hours, all the way down to LA. The night before I had stayed up, so during the ride, I slept like a baby. It was so great to sleep through an entire ride. The car gets pretty boring.. So yeah, I woke up at our last rest stop and after that, I dozed in and out. By the time I woke up, we were parking into a space for our inn, and my uncle was checking in.

That night, we went to eat at a Vietnamese restaurant named Cali. It was really yummy, and tasted like home-cooking. After that, we drove to this really nice church, I only remember "Trinity Broadcasting C..." Something like that. But MAN. They decorated for Christmas! It was like a park that was brightly lit, with all these lights, and even the palm trees had lights on them! It was gorgeous.. Then after THAT, we drove around some neighborhoods. They were decorated well, too. I especially enjoyed one that had a large snow globe on the front lawn. It was plastic and pumped with air, but still, it looked really nice! We went back to the inn after that and slept.

The next day was Disneyland. We arrived around ten-ish, and after that, we headed to Tomorrowland. This day was really long and at one point, we waited in line for 2 hours for the Indiana Jones ride. I also remember the Christmas Parade. I didn't get a good view because there were too many tall people in front of me.. So yeah, around nine thirty, a fireworks show was scheduled. There was a chance the fireworks could be canceled because of the bad wind conditions, but by the scheduled time (9:30) the music started up, and bright bulbs of gunpowder exploded in the air. It was beautiful!

They stopped halfway.

I remember at this point, it was completely freezing and I was shaking as my eyes wandered above Sleeping Beauty's castle watching the spectacular show. During the halfway point, they announced that "due to weather conditions, the show cannot continue." Everyone was disappointed..

We went back to the inn after that.

Saturday we went to my cousin's house in San Diego to see my new niece. She was about 2 weeks old, and she was tiny! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her! She was so fragile and.. Well, the only word I can think of is precious. It had been a long time since I had seen my cousin's and Thuon's wife because a couple of years back, they lived in Texas, and I had never seen them before. It was really gratifying to be able to get to know my cousin's better.

Jonathon plays guitar and is a DJ. Chi Hai (that's what everybody calls her) bakes the most delicious cakes you'll ever taste. That night we had pho for dinner, and I also showed Jonathon my violin. It was a really fun day, just getting to know a part of my family that I wasn't familiar with. I also taught Chi Hai how to knit! I was knitting a scarf for my friend during Winter Break, so during the car rides I would knit, but I was bored, so I brought it in to watch tv and knit at the same time. After we said our good byes we headed back towards the inn. Sunday we packed up and left around eleven o'clock in the morning. I stayed awake most of the ride..

I was glad to be home.

My cousin from Stockton was down in San Jose for New Years so she came over and we went to the mall. I managed to buy a shirt and a long sleeved shirt too! The day after that, I went to my cousin's house to greet the new year. It wasn't very exciting, but we did celebrate my grandma's (My dad's mom) eighty-seventh birthday. This year, we didn't miss the countdown. I got a lot of calls from my friends, but one of my friends, Kevin, asked me about my New Year's Resolution. I realized I hadn't made any.

So, after countless hours of thinking about it, (No, not really. I'm just making these up on the spot.) I present to you, my New Year's Resolution!

- Study harder, that means less procrastination, less fooling around, and more concentration!
- Learn more Kanji! If I won a scholarship, that would mean I would have an easier time in Japan.
- Finish some more outfits for Cosplay. I haven't been motivated to sew lately.. But, school comes first, so I guess I won't be finishing any outfits..
- Lose 10 lbs. Then again, who doesn't want to lose weight? Does this really count as a resolution?

That's.. about it. I really don't have any other realistic resolutions..


New Year's Day I went out with my friend Robert to eat sushi with him and his friends. It was a group of seven including myself, and we just had a really fun time eating and talking, even though I had only met six of them the same day. Robert's friends were very nice and friendly, and I hit it off with the girls really fast, and we began to talk about a lot of things, such as school, and private schools, and what not.

After eating and paying, Robert, Ben, Alex, and I went to Alex's house (Robert was my ride that evening) and we played pool. I learned that I wasn't a total failure at pool. I actually beat everyone at Cutthroat, which was a stroke of luck, in my opinion! After that, we played Texas Hold 'em and by ten-thirty Robert drove Ben and I home. It was a lot of fun!

After January first, I tackled my Scholarship application and all I need to do is print pictures now.. I need to finish my English 3AP homework.. but since no procrastination is one of my resolutions, I should start on it. Soon. Before the end of the semester preferably. Oh yes. Lets not forget the Calculus and AP English Final. Yeah.. that'll be swell..

Anyways. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and a happy new year! I'll be stuck here doing homework for the rest of the year.. or until I get a letter from YFU in April. And proceed to hyperventilate from the results. Either I won or I didn't.. doesn't matter.. it'll get the same reaction out of me either way. 'Till next time.

New Friends

Well, it's been quite a while since I've been posting on here, like always, it seems. At least I'm keeping it kind of updated. I don't see how people can post a blog everyday, there's only so much you can talk about before you start running dry of ideas. Recently, I've been requesting pen-pals and the requests i got were overwhelming! People from South Africa, France, and Japan e-mailed me! I am so excited to start corresponding with these individuals! I've been starting to realize that the world is not as small as I think, no matter what I'm going through, there are probably millions of people who have it a lot worse than I do, and I need to start being more aware of my surroundings!

School's been okay, but I totally failed my Calculus quiz yesterday because of my failure to study.. hopefully, I'll be able to make it up tomorrow. Hopefully. Ahh.. I don't really like the fact that I'll be having a B or even a B+ in Calculus.. I must get an A! It must be the asian side of me shining through. I feel that if I don't get the good grades my parents expect, I won't be loved by them.. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's how I've been raised, so I cannot change this part of my personality.. I think this was a section in my psychology book.. something about authoritative or authoritarian parenting.. Argh, I hate how I always seek approval from others, I wish that I were able to just be happy about who I am instead of who I want to be and constantly chasing after an invisible goal..

In other news, I've started filling out my scholarship application to YFU and I hope that I'll be accepted into the program because I know that it will be a life changing experience. It will be the experience that changes my attitude about others and how I think about others also. Everything I start thinking of my experience in Japan and what it would be like, I start thinking about what would happen if I won't get accepted.. How would I be able to cope with that? I really want it so bad, I've never had the desire to have anything stronger than my desire to win the scholarship to Japan. I hope that won't be the case, and that I will be accepted because I must admit that I myself am a very well rounded person. So far, I have a 4.0 GPA (not counting Calculus of course...), I play an instrument in our school orchestra, I do community service that shows a position of leadership, I am officers of several clubs at my school, and I also do sports but.. still.. there's a nagging feeling that I can't seem to shake off. What if I'm not good enough? I'll always be feeling this insecurity until the results are announced, and hopefully, by then, I'll know if I AM good enough for the scholarship.. it frightens me quite a lot..

Well, my social life has been.. inactive. School literally stole my social life, due to the fact that I must concentrate most of my efforts towards completing school work and also studying for tests, etc. I hope that once my Junior year of high school is over, I'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief telling myself that all that hard work was worth it because it might've given me a 4.0.. Hopefully..

My best friend Julie has recently been infatuated with a boy.. I haven't blogged at all yet about this, so I guess I'll spill my feelings on this subject. My best friend really likes this guy.. We'll call him "Susie." It all started one day when we had a sub in English 3Ap and we were watching the movie The Scarlet Letter. Everyone in the back of the classroom and the right side of the class were passing notes, and it happened to pass through the both of them, and they were flirting through notes. I was excluded from this though because I saw no need in passing notes to people who I rarely talk to.. Lets just say, I don't really "fit in" with others.. Not to say that I don't have any friends, I have a ton, it's just that none of them make me feel like I can be myself around them, all except my friend Julie..

Well. It all started that day. She told me she liked him and at that time I was like.. okay, that's cool with me. But she's so.. I don't know. For me, it seems like she obsesses over him, and I know that "obsess" might be exaggerating it, but that's how it seems like. She notices all the little things, and I think that Susie might not even like her. Even SHE things that he might not like her. She told me that he likes someone else in our English class, but she still tries.. I guess that must mean she likes him a lot, but I think it's just ridiculous.. partly to due to the fact that all the relationships I've been in haven't really worked out that well, so I'm kind of pessimistic about these kind of things..

She's been giving him space recently, but she thinks that he's avoiding her.. I pointed out the fact that it might seem like that only because she's been forcing conversation with him so much that without that casual and normal interaction, it feels like he's ignoring her when in reality, he just really never starts the conversation in the first place. Lately, she's also been dressing better and becoming more "involved" with the school. I fear that someday I may be left behind to wallow in my loneliness and selfishness.. Surely that day will come a long ways from now, but it just feels like she's drifting away from me, and liking Susie is not helping the situation any better.. more like its accelerating it.. Augh, well I'll stop wallowing in my misery and try to end on a happier note.

I've recently started to find more reference pictures for my costumes that I'll be making for Fanime, and I just can't wait to start buying fabrics, etc. Me and Julie were supposed to buy fabrics on Sunday.. but apparently.. something came up.. It just kind of hurts me to think that something is more important to her than me, even though we share many things.. I have to start thinking about it! Alright then. I'll see you guys later some other time.

Procrastination

Ah, we've all been through this before. Putting off our work till the very last minute, and then rushing to get it done as soon as possible because the assignment/project was due the next day. Last Sunday, I've been putting off The Scarlet Letter Study Guide and Dialectical Journals for the book and well.. lets just say.. that day, I only got thirty minutes of sleep, and I didn't even finish. I know the power of procrastination has struck a lot of people, but why do we do it?

We might do it simply because we are lazy. It's natural that we are lazy, and we would also rather have more fun than stay home sitting in front of a desk doing paper work. I for one, am a person who would rather live in the "now" than think ahead 10 years into my life. I think that the future will come and no matter what, I'll just go with the flow. Now, some people may think that it's very irresponsible of me to think this, because if I don't plan ahead, a lot of things may not "fall into place" like I might want it to, but for me, I think I have the skills to maneuver my way through it.

I should actually get started to apply for a chance to win a scholarship to Japan this summer.. I believe my friend told me the deadline was December.. Ahh, so much to do, and so little time to do it.. As a Junior, I find myself having so much more work than I'm used to, and it doesn't help that I'm confused in a lot of my classes. I find myself taking on a lot of responsibilities, it's no wonder that I just want to wind down and relax once I get home from water polo practice..

In other news, today, our team played against Mount Pleasant and we won! It was a really close game, and by the last quarter we were somehow tied, but we managed to break it and keep the lead till the end. It was a really nerve-wracking game! I'll write more on this later, but for now, I'm going to head to bed and get some much needed sleep.